(With apologies to Paul McCartney. I'd apologise to Stevie Wonder but fortunately for him, it's not available in Braille.)

Cast: Beast Wars Ironhide. Beast Wars Ravage.

Scene 1 (of 1). A music room. Beast Wars Ravage is sitting alone at a piano. Eventually Beast Wars Ironhide enters.

Ironhide: Ah'm here fer mah duet. Which of y'all is Ravage.

Ravage (looks around): "Y'all?" There's only one of me.

Ironhide: Ah thought yer maht've been a gestawlt.

Ravage: You know you don't have to speak that way just because your name's Ironhide.

Ironhide: Thanks, that was giving me a hernia. Sorry I'm late.

Ravage: That's okay, it gave me time to get this custom-built piano. Oh, and I've also updated the lyrics for the 21st century.

Ironhide: "Ebony and Ivory" isn't modern enough?

Ravage: Just listen to this.

(Sings and plays piano)

Elephant and D.V.D. Live together in good polarity Side by side, whether plus or minus, Primus, why can't we?

Ironhide: You can't be serious, that's awful. You're not even a DVD, you're a cassette.

Ravage: Like I said, I had to modernise it. Kids today have no attent. . . hey I can play the piano!

Ironhide: It's amazing what opposable thumbs will do for you. Anyway, of course Elephants and D.V.D.s can live together happily. D.V.D.s aren't sentient.

Ravage: They're interactive.

Ironhide: Fine, but what does polarity have to do with elephants and D.V.D.s.

Ravage: Ask Kup. He inverted polarities. What kept you anyway?

Ironhide: The last thing I remember I was being chased by a Jeep. Must have been a poacher, because when I woke up, my tusks were gone.

Ravage: Don't you mean your pillow?

(Pause)

Ironhide (suspiciously): Where'd you get that piano?

Ravage: I ordered it from Swindle.

Ironhide (reddening): The same Swindle who turns into a jeep.

Ravage: That's him. He said he knew a great source of ivory. Lucky, huh?

Ironhide (shouting): Where do you think ivory comes from!?!

Ravage: I don't know, trees?

Ironhide: Elephants!

Ravage: Oh, I get it. How do you get down off an elephant?

Ironhide (quieter again): What?

Ravage: You don't get down off an elephant, you get down off a duck.

Ironhide (incensed): Run.

Ravage: What? I have other ideas too.

Ironhide: Run. . . away. . . now.

Ravage: Energon and Bumblebee? Hot Rod, Springer and Arcee? Agony and Irony?

Ironhide (attacks Ravage): I'll give you agony-

Elephant and D.V.D. -------------------------

Elephant and D.V.D. Live together in good polarity Side by side, whether plus or minus, Primus, why can't we?