[Author's note: if you are sensitive to any sort of religious matter, please stop reading now.]

Prowl stood at the entrance of the Ark, checking his chronometer. Although he didn't show it, he was starting to feel worried. Optimus, Skids, and Jetfire had left three days ago for a diplomatic mission in Israel. They were supposed to have returned yesterday, but Skids contacted him to say they needed an
extra day. However, his comerade didn't say why. And that more than anything else worried him.

"Do you want me to change places with you?" he heard someone ask. He turned to see Tracks standing behind him. "I wouldn't mind. Besides, I'm using this new wax that's supposed to sparkle under direct sunlight and I want to see if it works."

Prowl paused for a few seconds, contemplating the request. As he was the one in charge, he should be getting back to his duties. However, Tracks' motive behind the offer wasn't completely pure; there was a chance that he'd be goofing off instead of keeping watch.

The sound of Hound racing towards them in his jeep mode forced him to put his thinking on hold. "What is it?" Prowl asked as Hound halted and transformed.

"We just got a call in from Jetfire; they're on the way."

"Good," Prowl replied, thankful that Hound's intervention saved him from having to say "no" to Tracks. "Do they need an escort in?"

"They said they didn't need one. The Aerialbots are still on patrol though, so if something happens they can always divert."

"Excellent. Thank you."

"Not a problem."

Prowl looked back at Tracks. "Whatever it is you were wanting to do, do it now."

"Don't bother," Hound said as he deployed his long-distance scanners. "They're coming in right now."

The three mechs turned and watched as Jetfire landed just outside the entrance. Optimus and Skids rolled down his cargo ramp in their vehicle modes, then they transformed and faced the group. "How goes everything?" Optimus asked Prowl as they came face to face.

"It's all been pretty quiet, actually," Prowl replied.

"I apologize for taking so long. The government asked us to stay an extra day so that they could give us a special gift as a sign of good faith."

"A gift?" Hound asked.

Optimus, Skids, and Jetfire each pulled a large cloth head covering and put it on. "I believe they call it a yarmulke," Skids said. "They weren't sure how large to make them, so they asked us to stay a little while longer."

"Interesting," Prowl replied.

"We've got a problem!" Blaster yelled as he ran up. "Bluestreak said that he got cornered by a convoy of humans! They demanded that he lead them up here!"

"This doesn't make sense," Prime replied. "What business do they have with us?"

"That's the wierd part," Blaster replied. "Something about your trip to Israel."

"That's impossible," Prowl retorted. "How would they know that Prime is back?" In unison, Jetfire, Hound, and Tracks charged their weapons.

"Put your weapons away," Optimus replied. "We'll find out everything we need to know soon enough."

"Still though," Hound said. "We need to be prepaired. The Decepticons could be involved somehow."

"There is that possibility," Prowl seconded. "It's the most logical explanation as to how the humans learned of your return so quickly."

"Very well then," Optimus responded. "Tracks, tell Jazz to get a team together on stand-by then come right back."

"Understood," Tracks said as he transformed.

*****

Optimus squinted as he saw the Bluestreak leading the convoy towards the Ark.

"I estimate ten vehicles of various sizes," Hound said as he checked his scanners. "They're all full to capacity with humans."

Tracks drove up to them and transformed. "Jazz has Smokescreen, the Dinobots, and Inferno on stand-by with him in case they have to deploy. The Aerialbots have also been put on alert."

"Good," Prime replied. "Because here come the humans."

Bluestreak pulled up next to the others and transformed. "I'm sorry Optimus; I couldn't do anything without hurting them."

"No need to apologize," Optimus replied. "You didn't have a choice."

The other cars stopped, and the occupants slowly filed out. The assembled Autobots looked them over. They each seemed angry over something, but it wasn't obvious what.

"I think I know that human in the middle," Skids whispered. "I don't have a recent image, but it looks close enough."

"Who is he?" Prowl whispered back.

"His name is Jack Chick. He's a religious radical."

"This isn't good," Hound added.

The human that Skids identified walked out in front of the others, sized the Autobots up, and then stood aghast for a few seconds before turning to the group. "See that thing those three have on their heads?! I told you those blasphemous aliens were here to take over the planet!" As he yelled this, the crowd let out a collective gasp. "They just came back from meeting with the government of Israel, so you all know what that means!"

"I don't follow him," Optimus whispered.

"A popular conspiracy," Skids whispered back, "is that those who are Jewish are plotting to take over the world somehow. He must think we're a part of the conspiracy. In reality, all they want is a place they can call home - same thing as everyone else."

"How, if I may ask," Bluestreak replied, "are we 'blasphemous?'" Skids shot him a murderous look as the other mech shrugged his shoulders.

"Isn't it obvious?!" the human exclaimed. "You're sentient robots, so you clearly weren't made by God! Therefore your very existance is repulsive to all of Creation!"

"I fail to see your logic," Prowl said.

"Logic?! Logic?! You..... you're one of those athiests, aren't you?! Well, athiest, faith in Jesus is all you need in life!"

"How can you call me an athiest if you don't even know me?" Prowl asked.

"I know enough about you!" He then looked at Blaster. "You transform into a cassette player! Your very presence supports the Devil's Music!"

"Devil's Music?" Jetfire whispered.

"I think he means rock and roll," Skids whispered back. "To him, all rock music - even Christian rock - is somehow evil."

"It must be sad living in his little world."

"Probably."

Bored by all of this, Tracks began to look over his new wax job. Chick caught sight of this, and went berzerk. "HIDE YOUR CHILDREN!" he screamed. "HE'S ONE OF *THEM!*" The crowd
screamed as they complied with the request.

"One of who?" Tracks asked. Skids walked over and whispered the answer to him. Tracks got pale. "Really," he said, obviously upset. He gave a fairly murderous look to the crowd, then transformed and drove inside the Ark.

"SEE! HE'S RUNNING AWAY! IT MUST BE TRUE!" Chick shouted.

"Or he could be trying to leave because your illogic is giving him a headache," Prowl replied.

"Shut up, athiest! I'll have nothing to do with you."

Hound knelt down. "Why all the yelling? Can't we just be civil and talk?"

Chick eyed him suspiciously. "You transform into some sort of jeep, right?"

"Yeah."

"You love the mountains, right?"

"That goes without saying."

"THEN YOU MUST BE ONE OF THOSE DEMONS FROM THE GREAT SALT LAKE!"

"Who?" Hound said, puzzled.

"He's probably referring to the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints," Skids replied. He looked to see that neither Hound nor the humans knew who he was referring to. "The Mormons," he added.

"Oh," Hound said. "I've met some of them. Nice people....."

"AND THAT'S HOW IT STARTS!" Chick yelled. "FIRST THEY TAKE YOUR TIME, AND THEN THEY TAKE YOUR SOUL!"

"..... and they're a lot more polite than this guy," Hound concluded.

"A lot more logical, too," Prowl muttered.

"If I may," Optimus said as he stood between the Autobots and the crowd, "how did you know that we had returned?"

Before Chick could reply, the sounds of four engines and thundering footsteps could be heard from down the hallway. Optimus turned to see Tracks returning, with Jazz' team behind him. They stopped right behind the others, and Tracks, Jazz, Smokescreen, and Inferno transformed. "Was that really necessary?" Optimus asked.

"We've got a problem,....." Jazz began.

"I'd say we have a problem!" Chick replied. "Those giant reptiles you have with you prove that you're not only blasphemous, but that you're also evolutionists!"

"Who puny human calling 'blaspemous?'" Grimlock asked.

Chick continued. "And that white one with you is named Jazz! He's another worshipper of the Devil's Music!"

"Say what?!" Jazz asked.

"The multi-colored one is Smokescreen!" Chick continued. "He must be their cheif liar and the friend of that blue one!"

"What's he talking about?" Smokescreen asked Tracks.

"Trust me," Tracks replied. "You don't want to know."

"And look at the red one!" Chick shouted again. "With a name like Inferno, he must be a demon!"

"I beg your pardon," Inferno replied.

"Listen," Jazz said. "We don't have time for- "

"Not enough time?!" Chick bellowed. "For the gospel of Christ, you can very well make time! Listen, if you don't change your ways then you all will not only go to hell, but you're also going to drag everyone else down to hell with you!"

"And if you're wrong?" Skids asked.

"Then may I be struck down by a bolt from the sky!"

"I'M COMING IN!" they heard a panicked voice yell from out of the sky. "CLEAR ME A PATH!"

"It's Silverbolt!" Hound yelled as he checked his scanners. "His left engine is completely blown out!"

"That's what we were trying to tell you!" Jazz said. "Everybody run!"

As fast as they could, the Autobots tried to get the humans and their vehicles moved out of the way. Unfortunately, in all the panic there was one they forgot about. As the Autobot Concorde SST impacted on his very location, all he could do was savor the irony of his own words.

*****

"Give me a status report," Optimus asked as he let out a sigh.

"The human Jack Chick is still alive," Prowl said, resigned. "However, he's going to be in the hospital for a very long time. His jaw and both arms are broken, so he won't be able to do any sort of work for an extended period."

"Like that's a loss," Tracks said as he walked past.

"And Silverbolt?" Prime asked.

"Skywarp blew his left engine apart, and he had a hard landing. However, Ratchet said he'll be fine in a few days. That's more than I can say for Skywarp though; after Fireflight got ahold of him he had to be hauled away by his Seeker buddies. At least, those that were still operational, anyway." Prowl
looked back down at the report in his hand. "As near as we can figure, the Decepticons must have leaked the news of your return to the humans in an attempt to cause a diversion while Starscream and the others tried to hit a chemical factory. The factory is a mess, but thanks to the Aerialbots nothing was taken."

Prime stood up and began to pace. "So, was there really a point to what happened out there?"

Prowl looked up. "Not really, sir. Just the emotion known as 'bigotry' at work."

"I thought so."