Author's Chapter Notes:
AUTHORS NOTE: This is a short chapter. I’ve had this in my head all afternoon and couldn’t wait to write it out. Hope its ok! I was also having some trouble writing the sounds of Optimus Prime's laser rifle. I can't remember what it sounded like the one time he used it in the movie. Nor do I remember much from the sounds of the cartoon series. I'm getting old... losing memory... hair grey... sad.

zzzzzzZZZZT! A laser bolt slammed into Ironhide’s posterior.

“Oww! Lay off!”

zzzzzZZT! zzzZZT! Crack! More laser fire.

“PRIME! Stop it! That HURTS!”

zzzzzZZT! zzzzZZT! ZZZZT! Multiple shots hit the wide rear of the target.

“OW! OW! No more!”

Watching all this, Frenzy’s optics were doing their wobble dance on top of his head again. “B-barri-cade!”

What.” The disgust in Barricade’s voice was dripping. He was out of patience with what the stupid Autofreaks were up to now.

“Big bad b-b-bosss bot is shooting stupid old b-b-bot with stun bolts.” Frenzy watched with more amazement. He thought only Megatron shot his own soldiers. Yet, here was God Bot Optimus Prime lasering the aft off his Weapons Specialist. These Autobots were so much FUN. They seemed to have acquired a group sense of humor since landing on this planet. They took dogs for rides and shot each other for exercise.

Neh. Frenzy, don’t tell me things that are not important. Maybe you should withdraw.” Barricade was getting tired of this carry on. The Autobots had more glitches in their programming than any of them had first thought. If the Autoprudes ever took over the universe it would be a non-stop circus.

“Nonononono! Like this! Staystay!”Frenzy giggled insanely, his hands dancing up and own. He was far back in the forest of trees behind the Autobot base, using enhanced hacker vision to watch the goings on. He observed enraptured as Ironhide burst through the trees on the other side of his vantage point, running madly. Optimus Prime; who had the longer legs and more prominent athletic ability; was jogging gracefully along behind him. His laser rifle was set on mild stun, and Primus, was Ironhide feeling it. It was quite painful, but it didn’t leave marks or damage armor.

“Goodgoodgood! Shoot a-a-again! Pow! Pow!” Frenzy almost broke his cover, dancing about, one finger on each hand pointed like a gun. Barricade switched off the comlink in repugnance.

Another pot shot landed on Ironhide’s posterior. The black Autobot threw on the brakes, bracing his legs in the dirt and slewing to a halt. “Alright!! Enough! I give in!” He raised his arms in the air, looking back at his pursuer with wild optics.

Optimus eyed him warily. His battle mask drew back from his face. “Are you sorry for what you did?” he asked firmly, walking forwards to his captive and not lowering his rifle. Close up, that much admired weapon looked even more nasty.


zzzzZZZT! SNAP! Another shot. Prime’s rifle was so hot, tendrils of smoke came from the pointy end.

“YES!” Came the answering roar from ‘Hide. He had hunched his hips under himself, trying to make his butt less of a target.

Prime’s optics narrowed, not believing it, “Especially for the piles of dog waste product on my floor?”

“Yes, that too!” Ironhide wanted to rub his aching rear. He forced himself not to. That would give the Femme Magnet too much satisfaction.

Prime had never seen Ironhide’s head look more like a ball on a pogo stick, he was nodding so vigorously.

Previously, Optimus had caught Ironhide easily, the anticipated hunt for the prank culprit had been short. He guessed the mech was feeling that he had gone overboard with the joke. He’d wrestled the stubborn mech to the ground (he’d been lucky with that one, Ironhide was damn good at hand-to-hand combat) and offlined his arm cannons, then re-set his own audio receptors back to normal from Ironhide’s desperate shrieking. No one offlined his precious cannons! EVER!

Optimus just had. After sitting on the wriggling Ironhide and calling Ratchet on his comlink to ask how...

Then as Optimus had stood up, he’d forbidden Ironhide from transforming into his truck mode, swearing that the mech would be under official court martial and in the brig if he did so. Then he’d smirked and told the stunned soldier to start running. Oh yes, Ironhide had RUN... like a startled chicken on crack.

“Fair enough,” Optimus nodded in satisfaction and stowed away his rifle on his back. “Lets head back to base. And don’t forget to apologise to Mojo, I’m sure he didn’t want to be involved in all this either.”

Ironhide lowered his shaking hands and watched his Leader prepare to shrink down into truck mode. “May I transform now?” he asked hopefully.

“Certainly not. You’re walking back.” Optimus replied smugly, transforming into his flame patterned truck mode and revving his engine.

“ARRGH!” Ironhide threw a tree branch at the departing truck. Then he sniffed the air suspiciously. “AND YOU SMELL OF DOG POO!” he roared after Optimus. When the truck didn’t pause or respond, pulling off into the distance, Ironhide grumbled and spat curses, beginning his slow walk back to base.

Optimus arrived back at their temporary home, walking in the door sopping wet. Water ran in streams down his chassis. Ratchet was sitting at one of the tables in the rec area. Mojo was snuggled up on his cushion in front of him, sleeping. The medic looked at Optimus pointedly. “You’re dripping all over the floor.”

Optimus paused in his walk past, looking down at his drenched body, “Would you rather have a wet floor or the dog smell? I washed myself off in the river.”

Ratchet sniffed as the giant mech stalked past him to his quarters, making squelching sounds, “Um, I think you missed a bit.”

“Shut up.”

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