I recently saw at my local Walgreens the not uncommon sets of knock-off Aerialbots, Constructicons, and Protectobots. I didn't purchase any of them, but for some reason I was inspired by one of those sets to write these bios...

THE PROTECTO-NOTS

While experimenting with the recently discovered Quintesson dimensional disk chamber on Cybertron, the Autobots inadvertently unleashed this team of dopplegangers of their own Protectobots, who hail from an Evil Alternate Universe!

COLD SPOT

"I'm large, I'm in charge, and I know you all fear me!"

Supposedly the leader of the Protecto-Nots, Cold Spot's efforts to control his troops through fear are constantly undercut by the uncertain, stammering manner in which he delivers threats of dismemberment for disobedience. Attempts to
channel his anger at the lack of respect he receives from his underlings into a berserker rage directed at battlefield opponents frequently result in a comic spectacle of combat ineptitude, with shots from his iceball cannons hitting everything but their intended targets as he flails his limbs about and screams incoherently in what he inexplicably believes to be an intimidating manner.

BLADE-Z

"Shut up and follow my lead. Or at least just shut up."

Cold Spot's incompetence makes his second-in-command Blade-Z the de facto combat leader of the group, though he'd prefer not to be. A violent loner by nature, it takes every ounce of restraint he can muster not to simply shred his teammates to pieces with his propeller blades when they annoy him - which is frequently. When able to overcome this extreme reluctance to work with others, his knowledge of a wide array of battlefield tactics makes the Protecto-Nots a force to be reckoned with. Uses unguided "dumb" bombs when in helicopter mode and an anti-photon pistol when in robot mode.

UNWISE

"Always leap before you look."

Whether joyriding through the streets or engaged in combat, Unwise takes it as a point of pride that he pays as little attention to his surroundings as possible yet always seems to come out unscathed. The fact that he remains functional in spite of his utterly reckless behavior continuously amazes his teammates. Claims that the secret to success in life is not a willingness to
take risks, but rather an unwillingness to acknowledge that such a thing as "risk" even exists. As car, has powerful double-mounted air-compressor cannon with 50 km range; as robot uses deafening anti-photon pistol.

LAST RIDE

"To inflict agony is vile; to witness agony is divine."

Like his Protectobot counterpart, First Aid, Last Ride is a pacifist by nature. However, his abhorrence of physical violence is limited only to the acts themselves, and he takes a perverse pleasure in observing their aftermath. Particularly fascinated by damage inflicted upon organics, he has equipped his ambulance mode with a pair of droids bearing the outward appearance of human EMTs. Favorite hobby is to intercept 911 calls and respond to them, then rapturously watch the assault or accident victim he picks up slowly die within his bay. Carries dual-barreled re-crystallizer cannon and anti-photon pistol.

GROOVY

"Groovy."

The enigmatic motorcycle Groovy has a one word vocabulary consisting of his own name, though through his tone of voice he manages to imbue it with enough meaning to suit any situation. Glories in warfare and destruction, and loves his role as part of the Protecto-Not team, as when it comes to creating chaos and carnage his motto is the more the merrier. Or, as he puts it: "Groovy." Uses twin vaporators, which shoot mists of carbonizing, melting, and solidifying liquids; and anti-photon pistol. Vulnerable when separated from the team, as this often causes him to suffer from agoraphobic panic attacks.

...and together they merge into...

OFFENSIVE

"Must... destroy.... humans!!!"

The gigantic and simple-minded combined form of the five Protecto-Nots, Offensive is driven by an intense hatred of humanity. Will go out of his way to crush any and all men, women, and children he sees, even if it means abandoning a battle. Vulnerable to most artillery, unless he utilizes his ability to surround himself with force field for extended periods. However in the mindless rages brought on by the sight of humans, he frequently forgets to do so. Carries hydro cannon... shoots 100 degree Celsius bursts of boiling blue water 1.5 miles, usually onto as many helpless people as possible.