Personal disclaimer: I don’t own The Transformers and I never will.

This is my silly rendition of what happened during the G1 episode “War Dawn” that nobody ever got to see.

(Alpha Trion is fixing Orion Pax in his workshop)

Alpha Trion: Well, it looks like you’re almost through! And my, my, I think I out did myself.

Orion: Really? What did you do to me, Alpha?

Alpha: Oh, not much, I just re-built your body, gave you a new name, and basically just changed your entire destiny in general.

Orion: Oh . . . Is that all?

(Ultra Magnus stumbles into Alpha’s workshop from outside)

Magnus: Oh man, I got SOOOO drunk last night . . . Hey Alpha!

Alpha: (Crosses his arms) Hello Magnus! Out late again, I see?

Magus: Yeah, it was a great party, but Orion wasn’t there, and you know him and a good party! Heh heh.

Alpha: Orion? Really?

Magnus: Oh yeah! He’s a total animal! Like that one time when he tried to drink Omega Supreme under the table, heh heh, but he still can’t beat me! Why he got so wasted that night he couldn’t transform for three days without throwing up! (Seeing Alpha’s optics grow wide, Magnus thinks to himself, ‘Maybe I shouldn’t be telling him this!’) Speaking of Orion, ya seen him around?

Alpha: Yes. He’s here. I’m almost through with him. Why don’t you take a seat while I finish him up?

Magnus: Okay! He sits down and thinks to himself, (Gee, he must have gotten seriously slagged this time to have made a trip up to Alpha’s workshop! Heh heh).

(Thirty minutes later, Orion Pax a.k.a Optimus Prime walks out of the room)

OP: Hey Mags! What’s going on?

Magnus: Nothing much, hey, do I know you?

OP: Don’t you recognize me? It’s me Orion!

(Magnus jumps up) WHAT!

OP: Yeah! Alpha fixed me up. What da ya think?

Magnus: I think I’m gonna be sick!

OP: Why? What do I look like?

(Magnus pukes on the ground)

Magnus: Sorry, man, it’s just that I’m still getting over that party from last night. Nah man, you look good, really good, only . . .

OP: Only what?

Magnus: Nothin’ (changing the subject) Say, we missed you at the party last night!

OP: And I was pissed about that too! Why, as I was lying drenched in my own energon fluids dying I said to myself, “Orion! You should’ve just ditched work and went to that party instead!”

Magnus: What happened?!

OP: Oh, ya know, the usual. Some Bot named Megatron showed up, blew us all up to holy hell and I winded up here because of some friendly flying airplane robots. I thought for sure I was dreaming it all cuz Ariel kept yelling, “You dork Orion! This is all your fault! I told you I wanted to go to that party!”

Magnus: She’s always so emotional!

OP: Yeah! Tell me about it! I’m so glad that’s all over. Now we can plan out our next party and with this new body, maybe I can finally out drink Omega and get some respect!

Magnus: I don’t think you’ll be drinking for awhile, Orion.

OP: Oh yeah? And why is that?

Magnus taps on his own face. Orion looks confused and walks over to a mirror to inspect himself.

OP: OH MY GAWD! DAMN HIM! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!!! He taps on his new face plates looking horrified.

(Magnus starts to crack up)

OP: He just put that on at the last minute too! What the hell did you tell him!

Magnus: Nothing! I just mentioned how you missed a great party last night, that’s all.

OP: AND!!!

Magnus: And . . . .I might have mentioned your drinking habit.

OP: AH MAN! (he inspects the mirror more closely) It’s like a creepy chastity belt for the face! Thanks a lot Magnus!

Magnus: Sorry.

OP: Just wait till Ariel sees this. What am I going to do?

Mags: You COULD ask him to do something about that voice too, I mean, you sound like my dad when he’s really pissed off!

OP: (runs over to Alpha) Can’t you just take it off? Please, please, please?????!!!!!!!!

Alpha: Sorry Optimus, I’m afraid it’s part of the design.

(Magnus starts to crack up)

OP: Now what’s so funny!

Magnus: Nothing . . . OPTIMUS!! (he starts to laugh hysterically)

OP: What’s so funny about that?

Magnus: Oh, just the fact that my little buddy Orion is now this great big OPTIMUS who can’t drink anymore! You are a dork!

OP: Hey! It isn’t that bad! At least my name doesn’t sound like some detergent like yours does!

Magnus: DOES NOT!!!!

OP: (still staring in the mirror) My life sucks!

Alpha: Don’t be upset Optimus. Here, I have something to give you. (Magnus starts snickering again. Optimus gives him a dirty look)

(Alpha takes out the Matrix and hands it to Optimus)

OP: Oooo pretty!

Alpha: Not pretty idiot! That is the most sacred object in Cybertron!

OP: Okay! . . .So, can I go drink now?

(Alpha whacks him over the head)

Alpha: NO YOU CANT!

OP: Why not?

Alpha: (sighs) You really have no clue as to what I’ve just handed you, do you?

OP: You just said it was the most sacred object in Cybertron!

Alpha: That’s right! Very good!

OP: Great . .. now can I go drink now?

(Alpha whacks him over the head again)

Alpha: NO YOU FOOL! This object will help you become a great leader and will guide you in wisdom in the great war against evil!

OP: What war?

(Alpha whacks him again)

OP: OH! You mean THAT war.

(Alpha rolls his optics. He would have given the Matrix to Magnus if he’s thought he was any brighter than Orion)

Alpha (to himself) This kid is gonna need a lot of work!

(Optimus holds the Matrix in his hand, then dashes outside the workshop with Magnus)

OP: Well . . Bye Alpha! Thanks for the “sacred object!” I’ll see ya later. (they both transform and drive away as Alpha chases them outside)

Alpha: Wait Optimus! You must come back! You don’t know what you’ve got! (they speed off).

(Magnus and Optimus arrive back at Orion’s pad near the city Iacon. Optimus clunks down on the couch laughing. Magnus immediately heads over to the refrigerator to grab whatever intoxicating substance he can find)

Magnus: Man! I thought we’d never get out of there!

OP: Can you believe that Jurassic Geezer! He just tried to turn me into some great leader! (He starts to fumble with the Matrix in his hands) Say Mags, what do you think this thingy is anyway?

Magnus: (whose now hopefully rummaging through the cupboards) I don’t know, why don’t ya try asking where you hide all the booze?

OP: Okay! (he holds it close to his face) HELLO!!! Is anybody in there? Hey! Ya I’m talking to yooooooouuuuuu! (He starts to shake it) Nothin’s happening Mags!

(Magnus slams the cupboard doors) Damn it Orion! Don’t you have any beer around here!

OP: Hey watch it! The names Optimus now, remember?

Magnus: Oh yeah. Damn you Optimus! Don’t you have any beer around here!

OP: Guess I’m all tapped out. HEY! Now that I look WAY more older, I can make beer runs without having to show my fake I.D!

Magnus: Great idea! Let’s jam!

(They both run for the door. As the door opens, Alpha Trion is standing at the door, looking extremely irritated)

Alpha: SIT DOWN THE BOTH OF YOU!!! (they obey and sit on the couch).

OP: Hey Alpha! Ummmm.. ..nice stormy weather were having tonight, huh?

(Lightning flashes through the window)

Alpha: I am in no mood to discuss the weather, Optimus! I am here to talk to you about something far more important. I’m here to talk to you about The Matrix!

(Lightning flashes through the window)

OP: Oh, you mean this? (he picks it up off the coffee table). Well, we both checked it out and it’s completely useless.

Magnus: Yeah, it can’t even generate one lousy beer!

(Alpha whacks them both over the head)

Alpha: The Matrix isn’t for party tricks, you fools! It’s an instrument of prophesy and hope!

OP: Whose hope? I don’t have any hope now that I can’t drink anymore!

Alpha: Can’t you stop thinking about alcohol for even one minute?

OP: I’ve tried that once, but no . . I can’t. (Magnus nods his head in agreement).

Alpha: Let’s get on with this! (He sits down in an armchair across from the couch) I’m sure you’ve felt it Optimus, like a splinter in the back of your mind.

OP: Felt what?

Alpha: The Matrix dumbass! What else would I be talking about!

OP: Oh, sorry. I thought you referring to a hangover.

Magnus: Me too.

Alpha: GAWD! (he twirls a little metal box in his hand) As I was saying, what if I told you that you were living in a dream world?

OP: Say! (getting suspicious) This is strangely starting to sound like a movie I once saw!

Alpha just stares at him.

OP: Oh, alright! I’ll play along. Okay Alpha, “What is the Matrix?”

Alpha: I’m so glad you asked!

(Optimus rolls his optics)

Alpha: The Matrix isn’t something that I can explain, in order for you to understand, you will need to travel inside the Matrix to see it for yourself. (He opens the little metal box and pours the contents into his hand). But first you must make a choice. (he opens one hand) You could take the blue pill, and everything will go back to the way it was. Or, (he opens his other hand) you could take the red pill, and find out how far this petro-rabbit hole goes).

OP: And DAAN?

Alpha: OH JUST PICK A DAMN PILL WOULD YOU!!!!

OP: Wait Alpha, I’m no warrior! I’m just an ordinary guy!

(Lightning flashes through the window)

(Alpha stands up and heads over to the window, looking out) No your not! You just think you are because that’s what you decided to be in your mind. But the Matrix contains an ancient prophesy that says that one day, an Autobot will rise from his rank and use the power of the Matrix to light our darkest hour! I have searched endlessly looking for the one who could posses it; who could use its wisdom to find an end to the war. A person who could use it as a tool to . . . .(he looks back at them)

(Optimus and Magnus are both snoring on the couch).

Alpha: DID YOU JUST HEAR A WORD I SAID??????!!!!!

(They both jolt awake) HUH???

(Alpha jumps back into the armchair and bitch slaps them both). IDIOTS!!! (they both rub their faces).

OP: I wish you would stop doing that!

Magnus: Seriously!!!

Alpha: I’m only going to give you one last chance!

Magnus: OH HELL! Let’s just get this over with! (He grabs the blue pill and pops it into his mouth) There! Happy? (He then falls over unconscious).

OP: WAIT!!!! You just took the BLUE PILL! Why, that would only leave me with the RED PILL! DAMN YOU MAGNUS!

Alpha: You are the chosen one, Optimus! Do what you were born to do! (He holds the red pill up to Optimus’ face)

OP: Don’t you have another blue pill hiding in there somewhere?

Alpha: NO!

OP: Damn. But I’m not the chosen one, Alpha! Can’t you find somebody else?

Alpha: Maybe this will help convince you. (He snaps his fingers, then a pink female Autobot walks into the room).

Ariel: Hello Orion! Do you recognize me?

OP: Ariel? ARIEL!!!!

Ariel: Yes it’s me! My new name is Aleta-One! Do you like what he’s done?

OP: HUBBA HUBBA BABY!

Ariel: I guess that’s a yes!

OP: My new name is Optimus Prime! Do you like what he’s done to me?

Ariel: Ahhhhh . . . . . . sure! You look . . . . ummmmm, great! Yeah, that’s it! Great!

OP: Oh no!! Damn it all! I’M UGLY!!!! (he starts to sob)

Alpha: Yes, that’s right, Optimus, you’re ugly! Now that you don’t have anything to live for, now will you take the red pill?”

OP: How am I going to take it, Alpha? I don’t have a mouth anymore, remember!

Alpha: Just holding it in your hand is all the sign I need.

OP: Fine! (he grabs the red pill). I took it! Now what!

Alpha: Now I’ll install the Matrix into you.

OP: INSTALL???? IT GETS INSTALLED???? MAN! I REALLY DON’T WANNA DO THIS!

Alpha installs the Matrix into Optimus. Suddenly Optimus feels a sinking feeling come over him, his mind starts to spin and the room starts to fade out as a searing bright light engulfs him.

OP: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Optimus jolts up from his re-charger bed and looks around the room. His quarters look familiar to him. Nothing seems to be out of place. He touches his chest and lets out a sigh of relief. It was just that damn dream again! He rubs his head and tries to shake off the spinning sensation that followed him into consciousness.

He walks into the control room and pushes a few buttons to get the latest reports from Teletran-One. He slumps down in a chair and puts his head in his hands, trying to forget what happened to him all those years ago.

He really hates that dream from his early past. How embarrassing!

The End

Reviews are always welcome and appreciated (hint hint, wink wink, nudge nudge)